The Latest Buffoon Winner:
Don’t Cry Over Spilt Milk
Some time ago in a galaxy far, far away someone named the white substance that comes out of a cow – ‘milk’.
Then, there appeared more and more white fluid substances that were similar to this milk.
Except they came from other substances – soy, rice, almonds, etc.
Now, it’s not the cows crying over this because I’m certain they’d much prefer to be left alone. It’s the dairy food industry associations. Why? They’ve lost business to these other white, milky fluids. (The answer to the question why are they losing business is pretty interesting too). So, what do they do, well basically, try and bully the smaller producers into refraining from using the term ‘milk’ through legal action. Because…..
“Mammals produce milk, plants don’t”
Uttered from the president of the National Milk Producers Federation, Jim Mulhern. Awww poor baby, here’s some cookies and a hanky to go with your glass of cow breast lactate.
4 Stomach Nectar
Maybe the white substance that cows really don’t want to be stuck to machines in very horrible conditions for extraction should be renamed instead? Something more synonymous with cows, like ‘4 Stomach Nectar, Cow Breast Lactate or Mook’. Problem solved, no?
Perhaps almond, rice, soy beverage manufacturers did themselves a disservice in the early stages of trying to get people to adapt these new drinks. I actually haven’t researched how long almond milk has been used for but I don’t think it’s something that is recent, perhaps just to mass production it may be. I would imagine the whole point to calling these fluids ‘milk’ was a marketing strategy to keep people comfortable with something they ‘know’ while they try to transition to something new because the ‘old’ milk was having unhealthy affects on the non-cow mammals.
Don’t worry women you can still refer to your breast lactate as milk, we humans are mammals too. Coconuts, not so safe anymore though.
Post written by Merlin X
Source: Mayo, Wings, Butter: ‘Fake Milk’ is the latest food fight. Candice Choi, AP, Mar 3, 2017