I Give Up Being Happy

I grew up seeking happiness and have definitely enjoyed a fair bit of it. I have attempted to recreate scenarios to evoke these feelings of goodness.  I have spent monumental amounts of energy and money trying to create happiness.  Happiness can be like a good one night stand but then you seek that pleasure through a variety of the same medium but different forms.  I can honestly say that yes, sometimes you have the power to create happiness and sometimes you don’t.  Other times something in your external environment resonates with you and you feel it.  Watching my dog amuse himself or play makes me happy . One would think that there is an instant association between dog and happiness but in my case I guarantee it’s not true. Every time I go for a walk by water or in nature I usually feel some therapeutic benefits in one way or another, the amplitude of the effect can be strong or mellow.  This may be run of the mill for many.  What I didn’t expect was the question in my mind,  “Why do I want to hold on to this?”   Yep, cue the crazy train.


If I don’t want negative feelings to last why would I expect or want positive ones too?  Nor had I ever considered the thought of sharing, anonymously, the feel good vibes.  Let me explain, you put out to the universe a question seeking resolution, or asking for something.  Sometimes the universe delivers a response.  Apparently the universe is an equal opportunist, you can also put out into the universal matrix the intent to share this feel good energy and let it find someone who could use a boost.  It’s like making a deposit into a global account of happy.   Sometimes when I feel good for no reason and become aware of this energy,  I send out that vibe to the universe with a general intent – give this to someone who could use it.  Which leads to another realization, it’s energy.  I don’t own it, I can feel it, express, share it, evoke it but I don’t own it.  I am responsible for it and can hold myself accountable to it so it’s like I’m a transient point of conduction.

This doesn’t mean I don’t want to be happy, it does mean I’m not trying to manifest it anymore either, but this important lesson came to me as a residual effect of the meditative process.

Written by Merlin X, a practitioner and instructor of meditative methods for 2o years.  For more on meditation visit nurtureurnature.ca 

Encroaching Enlightenment


My Buddha, The Cockroach

I was away from home for the first time in 12 years.First trip anywhere without the family. First trip with a girlfriend.First trip that turned out to be a 3 month backpacking adventure in Thailand. First 14 hours of a 72 hour determination, no sleep allowed, full on meditation, in a 10 by 25 foot room.First time attacked by a cockroach

How is it that you can go over 2 weeks without seeing a single solitary roach (which during the trip was a common occurrence) and then get attacked by one?Are roaches not worthy enough to be on temple grounds and this was a renegade roach?How did I find myself in this predicament?

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